I was engaging in some mostly useless thought a while back, mostly about a girl I was once involved with. It’s a familiar story to most jilted lovers, I suppose: dwelling on how the person who dumped you has moved on to someone even less worthy than you were.

I label these thoughts “mostly useless” because we tend to skew assessments of our own comparative worth. Either we think too much, or too little, of ourselves in relation to other people with whom we see ourselves competing. We rarely see the situation as it is.

Which isn’t to say I think I was wrong in the situation referenced by the haiku — just that it’s marginally possible I could have been ;)

(Incidentally, this is the handwritten version of my most recent haikubreakup submission)

when you ran to him
it hurt like hell ’cause I knew
he deserved you less

unlucky in love,
the Black Widow’s beau resigns
to nature’s design

Comments

• August 11, 2009, PJ writes: Are you trying to say something about male/female relationships in general? (I'm not trying to be argumentative, just wondering)
• August 11, 2009, howard writes: yes indeed, though i'm not necessarily implicating every woman as a "Black Widow" ;)
  
  i actually submitted an earlier form of this haiku to haikubreakup.com. if it gets posted there, i'll link to it so others can see the earlier version too (which is written in more of a first person voice).
• August 13, 2009, apreziosi writes: Maybe I misinterpret ... but I think along those same lines.
  
  I've resigned myself to a life of solitude, regardless of nature's inklings. I feel that the link would kill me faster than I would kill myself.
• August 13, 2009, howard writes: no, I think you caught the general flavor of it, Anthony ;)

used excessively,
compartmentalization
kills integrity

Comments

• August 2, 2009, Pete K. writes: I agree, and filling the second line with one word is also pretty good.
• August 3, 2009, howard writes: on the Flickr posting of this photo, I basically admit to my fascination with 7-syllable words, so yeah, I did count that as a slight triumph ;)

there is nothing here
except the space between us
full of emptiness

The scribbled and borrowed haiku continue at long last. We send you to your weekend with one from “Writer X” — in other words, someone wishing to remain anonymous.

To check out the other secondhand contributions to date, just click here. If you think you might like to join in, you’d be welcome to send a contribution of your own.

I can’t be happy
w/out it making you sad.
Something’s wrong w/that

Comments

• August 11, 2009, PJ writes: I keep meaning to comment on this one. I like it, probably partly because I feel like my husband could have written it about me on a bad day ;)
• August 11, 2009, howard writes: well, in the interest of honoring anonymity, i can neither confirm nor deny -- but i hope you and your hubby have had more good days than bad days (or at least the kind of days that would inspire this sentiment).

a foot in the door -
- I am just the undercard,
not the main event

I originally wrote a version of the above haiku a long while ago. This one’s different only in that I’ve changed two words (actually, just the same word changed twice) — and I’ve put it in handwriting (because that’s what I do these days).

As you might suspect, this haiku was born of heartbreak — something I’ve experienced once or twice in my life. Unlike some of the more useless poetry I’ve spawned, this one harbors what I consider to be one of the most important lessons I’ve learned about love (or being “in” it).

For those unaware of my opinions on this matter, I think loving and being in love are opposites. Which isn’t to say you can’t feel like you’re in love with someone you actually love, but rather that the two come from different places. Love comes from a willingness to sacrifice. In love comes from a desire for pleasure or gratification. One is unselfish. The other is all about self, even if it coincidentally benefits another person.

For me, some of the most intense pain has come not from missing other people or the feelings they cultivated in me, but from realizing how I might have gotten in the way of their happiness by only focusing on mine. And my failures have reached far beyond the merely romantic.

It’s an easy lesson to forget when you’re gripped by the throes of being in love, but it’s vital to remember if you aspire to actual love.

In the end I’m just glad most of my victims seem to have recovered, and I hope to not have too many more victims along the way.

*
wanting you happy
was always more important
than just wanting you

(a slightly different version of this one resides in the book)

Comments

• February 14, 2010,  (non-breaking space) | a little credit writes: [...] I noticed one of the haiku I wrote a couple years ago (and scribbled for a handwritten post last year) was getting a noticeable amount of unattributed notoriety on various social networking [...]

I wrote this thinking of a specific personal relationship. By the time I got around to posting it here, I realized it was a bit more universal, as people who know me well can easily attest.

I have this bad habit of seeming overly confident in certain situations. Whether or not the confidence is warranted, I have a way of coming across in a way that makes some people feel like I’m talking down to them, as if they are inferior. For reasons of my own background that I won’t drag up again, this is often the opposite of how I really feel about the people around me. I know how it is to be looked down upon, and I despise the fact that I have ever given others (especially people I care about) cause to feel that way.

of all the rules of love I have transgressed,
I hate that I have made you feel like less.

I submitted one of my old favorites to a site called haikubreakup, which I have to thank Albert for pointing out a couple weeks back. Haikubreakup has one of the truly great haiku concepts on the internet, and I highly recommend you check it out if you haven’t yet.

My submission, originally titled “grande mascara latte” (in honor of the scene that inspired it), was posted there last Sunday, where they gave it the imaginative title “from howard in philadelphia“.

dumped over coffee,
she’s way past caring whether
they can see her cry

Comments

• May 22, 2009, Anthony writes: Thank you for the link.
  Some things are easy to do.
  I submitted one.
• May 23, 2009, howard writes: Glad to help. I'm hoping to read your contribution in the near future -- if it matches the level of your other haiku, it should be a treat.
• May 28, 2009, Anthony writes: They published mine today! "from anthony in west deptford".
• May 28, 2009, howard writes: Nice work!

I spent too much time
finding ways to grow on you
like moss — or just mold

I burned your letters
in a fit of sanity
I cannot take back

Comments

• May 13, 2009, EllenS writes: I like this one alot - "not taking back" the sanity of finally letting go captures the tumult the relationship must have had
• May 14, 2009, howard writes: thanks - that's what I was shooting for
• May 14, 2009, mikaelah writes: elegantly said...I would like to have more fits of sanity than the other kind.
• May 14, 2009, Shannon writes: Love love love love love. Mad love. Did it once myself.
• May 14, 2009, howard writes: I was thinking about that passage in the Bible about putting away childish things. It struck me that even when we should discard the remnants of our less than healthy experiences and habits, the parting still triggers a measure of regret sometimes.
  
  At least that's been my experience.
• May 14, 2009, howard writes: Thank you. I haven't done this in a while, but it's probably the sort of letting go I could use more of.