*

today I felt the need,
the need to move away;
this place is much too close
and reeks of yesterday.

you say I should prefer
to outlast, to endure
– not clamor to escape
the demons at the door;

but it’s not the same as running –
there’s a diff’rence between flight
and the things you have to do
to get back to the light.

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I came here to find
a beauty in the stillness
the world can’t destroy

don’t ruin yourself
pursuing the ones who want
something you are not

*
I still remember in high school when, as a young fan of Billy Shakespeare, I first realized that a few of my favorite words of wisdom were penned for a character who struck me as an utter fool. That character was, of course, Polonius from the play Hamlet, and this haiku references one of his most famous lines (“To thine own self be true”).

The incongruity of it fascinated me, that a line of such wisdom would be spoken by a blithering imbecile. That said, I am aware there are those who believe Polonius’s character was smarter than he appeared and that the dimwit act was done to curry favor with King Claudius. Which, in a way, may be even more ironic.

let us disconnect
from all the complications,
all that holds us back

Last night in bed,
staring into the darkness,
seeing my life flash before me -
a barrage of color, sound, sensation
I hardly recognize today -
the squandered moments rushed back,
markers of each intersection
where my course was set
Then there were others with no signs,
just subtle warnings
of what lay ahead.

And I was the driver,
listening to the music
and tapping rhythm on your thigh,
cresting a hill on the expressway,
seeing the disabled car
half an instant too late.

How is it we so easily
dismiss the peculiarity of the moment,
as if any other
could have taken its place?

Perhaps it’s because
we want to believe,
(as you often said)
every moment,
each opportunity,
is self-orchestrated;
like the universe
is a willing mistress
waiting for our call.

But just before the break of day
as you lay with me,
resting peacefully,
silk hair on my arm,
soft breath on my neck,
I was someplace else,
wondering what I’d done
to have found myself
in a moment like that one.