another one recycled from the book

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Last night in bed,
staring into the darkness,
seeing my life flash before me -
a barrage of color, sound, sensation
I hardly recognize today -
the squandered moments rushed back,
markers of each intersection
where my course was set
Then there were others with no signs,
just subtle warnings
of what lay ahead.

And I was the driver,
listening to the music
and tapping rhythm on your thigh,
cresting a hill on the expressway,
seeing the disabled car
half an instant too late.

How is it we so easily
dismiss the peculiarity of the moment,
as if any other
could have taken its place?

Perhaps it’s because
we want to believe,
(as you often said)
every moment,
each opportunity,
is self-orchestrated;
like the universe
is a willing mistress
waiting for our call.

But just before the break of day
as you lay with me,
resting peacefully,
silk hair on my arm,
soft breath on my neck,
I was someplace else,
wondering what I’d done
to have found myself
in a moment like that one.

we stumbled and fell
like ants drunk on pesticide
we unleashed ourselves.

I’ve been one to keep
wanting and waiting for things
just beyond my reach.

image: Clara en su mundo

this is what happens
when we fail to understand
the value of life.

sometimes when i’m bored,
there’s a girl who makes me think
i wouldn’t be anymore
if only i extended
the slightest of gestures.

i could ask her name,
her favorite color, or something
- anything to break the ice;
but i’m married to the habit
of wanting, not getting.

doesn’t matter how accessible
her smile may seem, or her heart may be;
i always find a way to settle
for far, far less
- and yet so much more -
than i could ever get.

(brought to you by the words bored, habit and settle)

what makes you happy
is rarely the same as what
makes them think you are.

photo: Tracy O