I originally wrote a version of the above haiku a long while ago. This one’s different only in that I’ve changed two words (actually, just the same word changed twice) — and I’ve put it in handwriting (because that’s what I do these days).
As you might suspect, this haiku was born of heartbreak — something I’ve experienced once or twice in my life. Unlike some of the more useless poetry I’ve spawned, this one harbors what I consider to be one of the most important lessons I’ve learned about love (or being “in” it).
For those unaware of my opinions on this matter, I think loving and being in love are opposites. Which isn’t to say you can’t feel like you’re in love with someone you actually love, but rather that the two come from different places. Love comes from a willingness to sacrifice. In love comes from a desire for pleasure or gratification. One is unselfish. The other is all about self, even if it coincidentally benefits another person.
For me, some of the most intense pain has come not from missing other people or the feelings they cultivated in me, but from realizing how I might have gotten in the way of their happiness by only focusing on mine. And my failures have reached far beyond the merely romantic.
It’s an easy lesson to forget when you’re gripped by the throes of being in love, but it’s vital to remember if you aspire to actual love.
In the end I’m just glad most of my victims seem to have recovered, and I hope to not have too many more victims along the way.
wanting you happy
was always more important
than just wanting you
(a slightly different version of this one resides in the book)